Cafe Conversations VI

Cafe Conversations

Saturday, 1:00 pm

Zahir looked amusingly at Abhijeet. Watching him nervous and worked out was a treat in itself for Zahir. Moreover, Abhijeet had even ignored his favourite salsa sandwich, which definitely meant he was apprehensive.

“Dude, she is a girl and not a monster who is going to eat you up.” Zahir said, trying to joke about it in a failed attempt to lighten up Abhijeet’s mood.

Abhijeet - “I am meeting her for the first time Zahir! We never actually talked after school.”

Zahir – “So you mean, in school she was a normal girl and now she is some gothic creepy creature?”

 “It is not funny. You know we did not interact much even in school. This whole idea of ‘catching up’ on Facebook was an idiocy.” Abhijeet said putting his face in his palms, almost panting.

Zahir – “You are hyperventilating. Look at you, it is just a date and c’mon, let us go into the realms of history, and you will find that you have had many!”

Abhijeet – “This is different! This is freaking different! And Tanya, she is... she is... different.”

Zahir – “And that is the only word the language of English has – different! Weird and cramped language, this English is!”

Abhijeet – “English! Yeah! She is even an English honour! How the hell am I ever going to talk to her?”

“So she has a degree! Big deal, you are also quite okay, buddy!”  Zahir said laughing and patting Abhijeet’s back.

“I might have something for the young lad, other than just luscious dishes today!” K.D. Uncle’s voice filled the quiet and relatively less crowded ambience of the Cafe. “Ah! Those good old dating days!”

Abhijeet – “Anything would help, Uncle! I am sincerely hoping that this one goes ahead. She is the girl right out of my dreams! She is even a Classical singer!”

Zahir – “Dude, will you stop running her advertisement campaign around here already?”

K.D. Uncle – “It’s alright Zahir. I can understand. So my boy Abhijeet, I will tell you three things that will help you cruise through this as smoothly as a speed boat.”

Abhijeet sat straight, listening to every bit of word escaping K.D. Uncle’s mouth, who continued like a saint.

“First and foremost, make her laugh! And for that, follow the basic marketing principle of ‘Know you audience’. You need to know what kind of a person she is, her background, her character and her likes and dislikes before you attempt to be jocular. You don’t want to crack jokes that might offend her!”

K.D. Uncle paused to take a sip from his cup of tea. Abhijeet looked at him impatiently while Zahir enjoyed the whole scene.

“Don’t ever go for those lame lines, that I will call the ‘attraction killers’.”

Abhijeet – “Attraction killers?”

K.D. Uncle – “The questions that reek of desperation – ‘do you think we are a good match’, ‘do you like me’ etc. Avoid these attraction killers on the first date. They just create an awkward void and nothing else!”

Abhijeet – “So, what’s the third?”

K.D. Uncle – “Third one is the simple vintage advice – be sensitive and caring towards the girl, or any girl for that matter, and you have the way to her heart! Be chivalrous, open doors for her, whisper in her ear, make soft but effective gestures, try to keep her happy... and still remember, that she wants a man in her life, so don’t be supplicating!”

Zahir – “How are you so sure that these will work, Uncle?”

“Let us just say Zahir that my wounds have become wisdom.” K.D. Uncle winked and got up, thus maintaining the secrecy about his personal life.

Abhijeet was deep in thought, thinking about implementing K.D. Uncle’s advice on his date which was in an hour. As K.D. Uncle walked towards the counter, he suddenly stopped and turned.

“And Abhijeet, one bonus advice for you...”

Abhijeet looked up like a knowledge-hungry child.

“Good cologne won’t be a bad idea!”

#Brownsworth

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