Cafe Conversations X

[We freshly had the pleasure to brew a conversation with Shovon Chowdhury at Café Conversations. Shovon is a Delhi-based amateur-humorist. His blog India Update, has horrified nearly 200,000 people (and still counting). He has completed one novel, The Competent Authority which has gained number of readers and a lot of appreciation from people across the globe. Have your share of laughter and fun with Shovon Chowdhury & Café Conversations.]

In Conversation with Shovon Chowdhury

CC: How does it feel to ‘live in a universe of infinite possibilities’ (quoting India Update)?

SC: It's awe-inspiring. Forget about the universe, even in India, it seems like anything is possible. From potency tests to buffalo hunts, to the IPS officer holding two positions who regularly corresponds with himself, the news in India is richly bizarre. TarunTejpal wrote an apology letter which reads like an Oscar acceptance speech. The UP government is giving bicycles to the police because they’re eco-friendly, even though criminals continue to use motorized transport. Aamir Khan wears bowler hats. Parliamentarians do porn and pepper spray. Mamata Banerjee suffers convulsions every time she drinks Red Label tea. Okay, I made the last one up. But how would you know? Truth beats fiction every time.

In India we live by a strange corollary of Murphy’s Law – everything that can happen, will happen.

There’s no better proof than the news. To appreciate a universe of infinite possibilities, all you have to do is open up the Times of India every morning. I would particularly recommend pages 13 and 14. That’s where all the good stuff is.

CC: The kind of humor that you use is tricky. Some do not fall in the trap or some just don’t get it. How do you react to that bunch of people?

SC: Actually any kind of humor is tricky. Sometimes you score, and sometimes you fail horribly. I’ve done stories that I thought were pure genius, and they sank without a trace. Then I present ‘Warren Buffet hires Sonia Gandhi’s son-in-law’ and everyone goes nuts. So I would never react to people if I fail to score. It happens. If you’re trying to be funny, rejection is part of the territory. There will be times when people will say, “God, what an idiot!” Sometimes they will want to harm you. This is why I am in awe of stand-up comedians. Their audiences often have objects close at hand, including vases and cutlery.

CC: Shovon, tell us one thing that annoys you the most?

SC: Lawyers in politics. They should only appear in public if the audience has eggs.

CC: Is there a quote you particularly like or that you live by?

SC: The Bengali satirist Parashuramonce said, ‘Sometimes a slim cane won’t do.   What you need is a big bamboo.’ Another is more of a shout-out from a song than a quote - ‘Call it what you want,’ by Foster The People. I feel like jumping up and down and yelling that a lot.

CC: You know how to trick people into humor and how important it is to the readers. So what would you call yourself- A producer (of humor) or an appreciator?

SC: They go handin hand. If I don’t check out other humorists, how will I steal from them? Most jokes are copies of each other. It’s just the context that changes. In my case it’s become a bit of an involuntary process. For example, I did not start my novel ‘The Competent Authority’ thinking, let’s do something funny. It just came out that way. I maintain that the future India portrayed in the book is completely logical, down to the last detail. One thing leads to another. For example, as drone technology becomes cheaper and cheaper, eventually the Income Tax Department will send drones to your house to collect advance tax. It’s just a matter of time. They will locate you through your Aadhaar Card, to which they will soon add a smart chip, so that the government knows both your location and your bank balance at all times. They will probably have smiley faces on them to stop you from freaking out. They will enter your house through any available open window.

I do this thing called ‘The Trilokpuri Incident’, on Facebook, which is like that too. The anti-Sikh riots in 1984 were so horrible, most of us try to blank it out. Many young people don’t even know about it. So I used a mad, strange person as a narrator. You see the story though his eyes. You keep wanting to shake him, or perhaps give him a cup of tea and a biscuit, but he is what he is. And he seems to be the only one who cares. So actually, you’re right about ‘tricking people into humor’. I try to trick people into thinking about things they avoid, using humor as bait. It’s a nasty job, but someone’s got to do it.

CC: Keeping in mind the present state of country what according to you is the easiest and the best way to get attention?

SC: Doing an item number.

(Check out recent posts by Shovon Chowdhury at-http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/features/blink/mp-fires-stinger-missile-in-parliament-takes-out-roof/article5732945.ece and 

http://www.newslaundry.com/2014/02/25/management-classics-made-easy/)

#CafeConversations

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Cafe Conversations IX

(Cafe Conversations recently had the honor to host a celebrity guest- Sherrin Varghese. Sherrin was a member of The Band of Boys and one of the few artists who successfully strides both, a singing & an acting career. Sit back, sip, scroll and spend yourselves in the conversation with Sherrin about music, life, struggle and more.)

In Conversation with Sherrin Varghese

CC: You are a TV host, an actor, a model, a musician and a singer. Which of these roles do you cherish the most?
SV: The singer. I am at my truest best when I've made people sway, swing & dance just to the voice, then the songwriting which lends to the natural musician in me, post which the modeling ‘cos one needs to just look pretty, followed by the acting bug as it helps once in a while to be someone else, after which the most sought after TV hosting gig. Interestingly what I like doing the most is not how the world remembers me in order of sequence as perhaps your question would note!

CC: (As per the official website of the Band Of Boys last updated on 2007) A Band of Boys claims to be India’s first and foremost ‘Boy’ band. A milestone for the world of music. How do you receive that title/compliment?

 SV: We continue receiving, that compliment very well as there has been no other noteworthy act to claim that title in India. One of the foremost reasons I believe for the same is the lack of a willing producer both musically and financially to put together a boy band. We went through 2 years of training and gave up all allied careers to do this 100 % and a couple of us also died in some soap operas. In our heydays we were called the Backstreet boys of India, the Boyzone of India, blah!!

CC: From your first album ‘Ye bhi wo bhi’ (2002) to the last ‘Gaane bhi do yaaron’ (2006). How has the journey to fame been?

SV: We released 5 albums in a span of 8 years and have been gigging & travelling on the merit of that for 13 years now. So if you ask me has it done well for us, absolutely yes! The journey though, has been a mixed bag with all kinds of ups and downs, sound & soul seeking engraved differently for each one of us. Over the years the chalk and cheese variations in our voices and musical tastes have left audiences gasping at our live shows as well as us fighting for what should be the next course of action to keep the band alive. Fame did not come to us overnight so we have learnt how to handle it when it’s there and also when it’s not.

CC: What are your views on the kind of music that the industry creates today?

SV: Barring any film music, which is designed to only titillate or provoke an audience to go and watch it, I personally appreciate all kinds of music (Independent & Bollywood) that the Indian music industry has produced so far. There are a lot of bedroom producers doing really well in terms of songwriting, production & pursuing the artiste life as well as servicing ad films. Unfortunately most of them have to suck it up with lesser opportunities to either play live or to go the Bollywood way where you are not really writing what you want but producing a 30 second jingles for promoting a film and that’s for the majority audience of the country. So personally it’s terrible and also commendable that we have a Vishal Dadlani who is on top of both the piles pioneering independent music & making sellout music for Bollywood, whereas we also have so many independent musicians struggling to be heard just on social platforms. Thankfully the ongoing spate of festivals sprouting around the country has given a lot of hope to upcoming musicians.

CC: Sherrin, What according to you are the first and the foremost challenges that a musician faces in order to gain recognition?

SV: Television airplay Television airplay Television airplay Television airplay Television airplay Television airplay..

 Hey I wrote a song about this as well….” Joh DIkhtai who Bikhtai”

 https://soundcloud.com/sherrin/joh-dikhtai-woh

CC: What role did Friendship play to keep the band united and the spirit alive?

 SV: We were not friends to begin with. We were what we could call a typically produced act where aspirants were handpicked from a lot, who were prolific at singing, acting and dancing. We knew of each other from the industry and a couple of us were acquaintances. In many ways we were put in an arranged marriage where we learnt about each other during the training period. Those days were the darkest in all our lives, as well earning boys from the industry were asked to give up all other careers and keep at it for 2 years. We really struggled to make both ends meet but once we came out that bond helped us know each other’s strength and weaknesses which in turn helped us last for such a long time as we really stuck through thick and thin fighting and complimenting each other for 10 years.

CC: If ‘Band of Boys’ agree upon making a comeback who do you consider to be a threat or the biggest competition for you guys?

SV: Everyone, because in today’s date and time if ABOB has to make a comeback it has to be 10 times harder, faster, stronger, better than our first release. There has to be an album with 4 back to back videos which beats the shit out of every pop act there is in terms of songs, renditions, production, arrangements, stagecraft, look feel & tone. A lot has changed in the past decade and we cannot be releasing bubble pop or mushy love tracks anymore. It has to sound phenomenal as there is a direct audience waiting for a comeback desperately and we owe it to them to do better. Part of the reason we are not releasing anything new is cos it’s tough to beat that legacy.

CC:  What sacrifices you or any artist for that matter has to make on their way to success?

SV: The biggest sacrifice I believe is time, as there is no one out there who has enjoyed overnight success and stayed. Even the latest Honey Singh wave, which is degrading the country’s taste in music, has gone through a lot of struggle in his time and is raking it in now. Thankfully this too shall pass, as one twitter comment I observed & I quote “Good boy this Yo yo Honey Singh.. He says his name before every song.. Time to change the channel!!”

CC: Any tip that you want to hand over to the young artists?

SV: Keep it real. If you are good enough and you do something that you are good enough for a long time, the universe will find a way to make you a living out of it. 


#Cafeconversations

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Cafe Conversations VIII

 Cafe Conversations
Wednesday, 1:00 pm

“Abhijeet it is a regular lover’s feud. Are you going to sulk like that all through the evening?” Zahir asked, trying to bring Abhijeet back to normal. He had been sitting in the café for last half an hour without having said a single word. He had a relatively shattering argument with Tanya.

“Dude, you must have heard, love is like a butterfly, as soft and gentle....”

“Cut that crap! Love is nothing but like a disease – ultimately you get sick of each other!” Abhijeet snapped back, interrupting Zahir who now looked like a kid whose favorite Mickey Mouse underwear was stolen.

“No, no my child!” Abhijeet and Zahir turned around in a jiffy to see whose amiable female voice was this. It was Rekha Auntie, wife of K.D. Uncle who was the owner of the cafe. She walked towards them followed by K.D. uncle. Not a very regular face at the cafe despite the fact that she owned the place, Rekha auntie was an extremely polite motherly figure.

Rekha Auntie – “I am not very good at similes, but I would definitely not call it a disease.”

K.D. Uncle – “Abhijeet, she is right. Come what may, I would say love is the most beautiful expression that a human heart can feel.”

He looked at Rekha Auntie with an assured and sanguine maturity and understanding.

Rekha Auntie – “Exactly! 40 years of togetherness and look at your uncle! He still sings for me in the morning, offers me to dance at our club parties and kisses me good night every day!”

K.D. Uncle – “Rekha you don’t have to tell all the details to these kids!” He said smiling coyly with a slight pink tint on his cheeks.

However they listened with rapt attention. Zahir pushed on a little, “Tell us Auntie, how it all started? How was it falling in love back then?”

Rekha Auntie – “Oh trust me it was as hectic and stressful as now. But life was much easier back then.” She said with nostalgia reflecting in her eyes and the disappointment of the changing times evident in her voice.

“We did not have Whatsapp to keep a tab on our lovers and there was plenty of personal space in our relationships.” K.D. Uncle contributed with a sarcastic smile.

“But we want to know how did your love story start?” Abhijeet interrupted again. He was in no mood of a lecture on Whatsapp and Facebook which played back home all day.

Rekha Auntie started like narrating a movie she had just seen. “Ah! It was in Delhi that we first met. Delhi, which was undergoing its major transformations, was being converted into a city which defied all logics. It was more of an organized chaos, an unlikely congregation of clashing architectural styles, few old Ambassador Cars and an era when private builders has just begun to promote large residential colonies. It was truly a time to fall in love.”

K.D. uncle, who had usually been secretive about his life, continued thereon, “It was my friend’s engagement party in a five star pub and Rekha was the girl’s friend. We met for the first time and exchanged a shy handshake. There was a spark, an instant connection such as a butterfly had transferred the pollens from my heart to hers in that handshake. We kept stealing courteous glances all through the evening and I managed to earn myself a meet over tea the next week by the end.”

Rekha Auntie smiled or rather blushed. “After a few meetings, we decided to catch the blockbuster movie Bobby in theatre. During the movie, I felt his hand brush against mine. If I close my eyes and try to recapture, it plays a clear audio visual – the dark theatre, my flowery-print long skirt, the warmth of his hand on mine and the happiness that was reflected in my broad smile. At the end of the movie, we did not talk much....”

K.D. Uncle interrupted her, “Yeah! By the way holding hands was a big deal back then. Now it is probably not even counted as a first step. But yeah, after the movie I did ask her out officially and we went to that amazing play at Siri Fort Auditorium.”

Rekha Auntie – “I did not confess my love to him...”

K.D. Uncle said teasingly, “Yeah, why don’t you tell them the condition you had?”

Abhijeet raised an eyebrow – “Condition? Rekha Auntie kept forth a condition?”

K.D. Uncle – “Absolutely! She was a graduate in the language of German and had asked me to say Ich liebe dich meine liebe fraulien in a flow, which literally translated to ‘I Love you my lovely lady’.”    

 Zahir – “So you did?”

Rekha Auntie – “The thorny journey of love was not so easy for us.”

K.D. Uncle gave Rekha Auntie an intense look and suddenly they both got serious. Rekha Auntie took a gulp of water and K.D. Uncle continued, “Rekha was a widow!”

Abhijeet and Zahir looked at them flabbergasted.

K.D. Uncle – “Marrying a widow was like rebuilding Rome in those times, and unfortunately I guess, even now it is. We were from totally different backgrounds. We had literally committed a sin falling in love. But one thing that we were sure of was that we had to live each day of the rest of our lives with each other and for me, I knew that I had to wake up to that voice till the last day of my life.”

Rekha Auntie looked at him, seemingly close to tears. She cleared her throat a little and carried forward, “We tried to convince our parents a lot. I had been married off at a very early and immature age and my first husband had abandoned me as he left for Australia forever. I was a little child and I kept waiting, only to receive a divorce paper a few months later.”

K.D. Uncle – “Our families were against us to the extent that they were ready to lock us up but not be together and that is when we had to take the decision.”

Abhijeet – “Then what did you do?”

K.D. Uncle – “We eloped!”

It was the second shock of the day for Abhijeet and Zahir. Rekha Auntie said, “The level of our understanding and trust that we beheld into each other was a treasure. The knack of knowing what the other is thinking without even the need of words, the longing to spend every minute with each other, the desperation to do something in life for the happiness and comfort of the other... all of this was enough for us to spend the rest of our lives.”

Abhijeet looked at K.D. Uncle – “So you just eloped and Rekha Auntie agreed to get married?”

Rekha auntie chose to answer, “He took me to his friend’s place. At night while we stood on the terrace, he went down on his knees and extracted a ring from his back pocket and said ‘willst du mich heiraten’ in a flow. It translated to ‘will you marry me’ and I simply had no reason to say a ‘no’ to the man who totally owned my soul and henceforth, together we climbed the ladder of life...”

Abhijeet, lost in thoughts, immediately took out his phone from his pocket and typed a text to Tanya, ‘I am sorry. I want to walk the thorny path of life with your hand in mine... ”

#Brownsworth

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Cafe Conversations VII

 Cafe Conversations
Sunday, 10:00 am

“…And I was so excited about the trip to Rameshwaram. My Bad! I wish I had a better luck” started an upset Radhika.

“Aww Honey! You are not going to Rameshwaram because of your ‘Dates’. Don’t blame your luck now. Poor thing has got nothing to do with it. It is a normal process, happens to every girl.” said Shruti as she tried to soothe Radhika. 

“So who should I blame? Eve? Or that guy who is sitting up there?” said Radhika pointing her fingers upwards.

“They call him God.” muttered Shruti under her breath while sipping her coffee. She was very conscious of her speech because of Radhika’s obvious ‘mood swings’. There could be an outburst of any emotion any moment.

“Uh! Chuck that.. No matter whom we blame the tragedy remains with us. By the way do you mind if I stay with you at your place for the next 3-4 days?” questioned Radhika with a puppy face.

“You don’t have to ask Radhika you can walk in any time you want.” said Shruti with a warm smile. 

Shruti- “But I thought your cousins were here to visit you. They won’t mind?”

Radhika- “Well, I don’t care even if they do. I am in no mood to be treated like someone who is suffering from some kind of infectious disease.”

Shruti- “I can totally relate. Back home I was not allowed to enter the kitchen, the dining area, the Puja room. I wasn’t allowed to touch ANYTHING during my ‘days’, they said ‘my touch will pollute it’.”

“Trust me it is worse at my place. If I touch someone they have to take a shower and wear fresh clothes. I cannot go out of my room. I can’t touch the trees or the plants. I cannot be too loud and the list of not-to’s goes on and on.” said Radhika pretending to shoot herself with her fingers.

“Woah! That’s too much to take and all of this torture because of ‘The Thing’.” said Shruti with her eyes wide open.

“Yes. It is like getting punished for no reason. It is biological process. I have got nothing to do with it. I mean, we bleed for seven days in a month. Isn’t that enough?” said Radhika almost in whispers.

Shruti- “I know! We have already got so much to deal with- the stress, cramps, mood swings, the ‘issues’ and being careful all the time. On top of it these bluff beliefs and fallacies? What do they think we are? Rajnikant?” 

Radhika- “I tried to talk it out at home but my Grandma shushes me down whenever I try to make a point about it. She says it should not be discussed and probably that is the reason I feel too embarrassed to talk about ‘The Thing’.”

Shruti- “I don’t think it is something to be embarrassed about.  It is a fact of life like life-and-death. Just because people consider it a ‘girl problem’ doesn’t mean we stop discussing it in public.”

“True that!” said Radhika slightly nodding her head in agreement as she dug into her sizzling brownie with extra chocolate sauce. 

“You know what the best part is? You can forget caring about the calories for a few days. You can conquer the food nation” said Radhika with her mouth stuffed.

“That’s a special gift” said Shruti with a wink. 

And they clinked their spoons.

#Ester Demitasse

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